Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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