Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
