These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
