and you said cock pushups were impossible
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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