i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
