the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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