his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
