my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
