You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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