my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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