Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
