cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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