I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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