sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
