dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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