Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
