its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
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Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
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BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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