Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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