not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
