you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
