i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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