so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
