I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
