So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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