Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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