quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
