What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
