If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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