Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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