My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
