do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
