omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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