Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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