I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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