Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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