why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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