They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
