she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
