Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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