no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
