Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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