Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
