I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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