Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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