If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
