I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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