at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
