Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
