Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
