If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
