I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
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