I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize