Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
