In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
