I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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