we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
