last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
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If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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