Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
