the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
