i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
