He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
