lets start a swedish sibling band together
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
