I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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