oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
