I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
someone owes me an orgasm
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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