I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
