Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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