My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
