tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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