My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
