I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
