Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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