if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
