I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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