You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
