So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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