just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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