so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
