I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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