Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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